Love, Dating, and Marraige

[shadow]

sorry... i just think that this group needs a LOT more action... so im gonna bring up the most contraversial of them all
if you are easily offended by this subject then you dont have to participate
i just thought that some peopel might find it enlightening

so i start with the formal questions, and i will let the subject deepen itself.

Is dating wrong? Why or why not?

What is the purpose of any relationship?

What about little flings where you like a person for one week?

How long should you know a person before getting married?


anyway
i suggest using as much bible as you possibly can... because otherwise you're giving the opponent the advantage :-P

[Alegna]

OUCH SHADOW!! you ahd to bring this one up ... lol...

i would say something, but im so tired after the long post i jsut posted in Music More Defined..

perhaps another day.. lol...

[Nick]

lol. Shadow, man, he knows his religious pressure points for MANY lol. (I couldn't find too much in the scriptures on dating and such but I'm not giving up lol.) I'm going to try and answer your questions flat-out:

Is dating wrong? Why or why not?

What is the purpose of any relationship?

What about little flings where you like a person for one week?

How long should you know a person before getting married?

Is dating wrong? Why or why not? No, in today's culture where divorce is so frequently done we should know who we are committing to love for the rest of our lives.

What is the purpose of any relationship? To glorify God.

What about little flings where you like a person for one week? Keep your flings to yourself, don't go ask 'em out until you know that the relationship will last more than a week.

How long should you know a person before getting married? This differs with the different people that you come across. Some need more time than others, wheras some people just open right up for you to see their whole lives. This differs. But I'm going to say probably at least a year. Almost always you should know someone more than that amount of time though.

[Alegna]

wow, straight to the point Nick -hehe.

Yeah i agree, the last point, sometimes even a year is too short, im not sure you can say you know what a person is REALLY like after in a year, but as you said it definitley depends..

Nicely done Nick ;D

[shadow]

Well... I just took the most common topics really, ones i knew people woul respond to... thought i was kinda surprised at the amount of time it took for someone to take a stab at this one... and Alegna... you dont want to? heh
right
i knew that
which is why i said
Quote, "if you are easily offended by this subject then you dont have to participate"

but
ya
Nick, you really answered those flat out
the question
Is dating wrong? Why, or why not?
is coming from the fact
that so often
people "date" but they are indeed little flings
ive heard people say
stuff about a relationship for three weeks is a good relationship
and that to me is just bull
if i think that a relationship cant last more than 3 MONTHS i have no intention of starting it

the purpose of marraige is indeed ot glorify god
but arent there more than that
i mean... EVERYTHING is to glorify god
in fact
the entire creations purpose is to glorify god
please expound a bit on that

and i would have to agree with you on the amount of time you shoudl be

[Alegna]

Haha well.. if you insist!

I agree with all of what both of you have said. To add a lil on 'arent they more than that?'..

Well i think that most importantly the purpose and basis of any relationship should be to glorify God.

As you said shadow, i also think there is more to it than that.

As God said in His word "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." (Gen. 2vs18). God made people for each other. As well as glorifying God, i think relationships are there too be enjoyed- and people are there for support, and edification(sp??), as well as some one to share your life with. A marriage is a beautiful thing, and im sure God loves to see His plan being carried out in two peoples lives. I think its a form of worship.. Then again, our lives should be a form of worship to God. A godly marriage is two people walking their christian lives together- while still focusing primarily on God, remembering that the other person will never make them happy, because it is only God that can give true joy and fullfillment. I definitely think it consists of unconditional love- not just 'sweet nothing and butterflies in your stomach'- a love that doesnt depend on the situation of a person or physical things, but a love that continues no matter what- a love that can come only from God.

This is it in a nutshell.. not gonna carry on like i did in the last post..lol

[Norelia]

wow...ok....huh I've been wondering if I should even get into this. I guess I will but it might not be pretty lol

Ok, well flat out straight forward answer- I don't think dating is wrong or right, but I myself have chosen that I don't want to date at all.God might have other plans for me, but for now that's what I am choosing.

-I believe the purpose of any relationship is to, yes, glorify God, but also to be helping each other become more Christlike.

-little flings are stupid. we're all gonna have them but they're still stupid cause they don't add up to any good for anything,but as I said- we're still gonna have them (and that's just liking somebody, not actually going out with them) actually "going out with them" flings I don't believe are right because your playing with each others emotions and it will only end up in hurt.

-how long should you know a person before you get married??....I think that's up for God to decide, cause I've known people who've known each other for years and years before they got married and they've been married a long time, and I know people who've only known each other for a few months before they got married and they've been married a long time too. But! I do think it might be better to know the person a long time before hand

Well now, my thing about dating is that I just find it...not a waste of time, but something that I think God doesn't want me to spend my time in. To me, there is nothing that I can't learn about someone through a frienship, than I can through a "dating" relationship... except for maybe what their lips taste like, which I must add would be the Stupidest reason in the world to date someone.
Dating also gives you the problem of knowing what's going to far with physical touching,and is the physical attraction giving you sinful thoughts?and are you getting to emotionally involved with that person?- now that's a big one. All these people who spend all this time and energy pouring their emotions into this relationship and then end up breaking up.It's just sad cause I've seen so many people who've been so hurt through relationships like that and stuff like that doesn't just go away.It usually leaves a permanent mark-which might end up good or bad.
People who date should be dating because they want to bring each other closer to God and to help each other in their personal walks with Him, and of course there's going to be some sort of attraction to each other but physical attraction should definetly not be the only thing you would be wanting to date for.When people date they're usually looking for what they can get out of it, but it actually should be about what you can put into it.Like how can you help that person to become more like Christ and how can you encourage that person.
I think maybe that's why I don't want to date now cause I don't want to hurt somebody because of my selfishness. I also think that right now I can use my time more wisely for God without having the distraction of a boyfriend. If God wants to bring someone in my life then He will and He has the perfect timing for everything so I just have to be patient a do what He wants me to do now.
so anyway that's just my thoughts on the matter and I Deffinetly do not judge anybody for dating. cause like I said I don't belive it's right or wrong but I've just chosed not to.

oh and another reason I don't date(it's to do with the physical attraction)- Proverbs 4:14,15
Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil.
Avoid it; do not go into it; turn away from it and pass on.
Not that I'm saying that dating is a sin or wicked, but what the physical attraction can lead into is and I'd rather avoid it totally then try to straddle the fence. get it?

[Alegna]

mmm.. i really like these conversations.. so important to be able to learn from each other...

[Norelia]

me too although I usually don't get into these convrsations cause I find it to hard sometimes to explain why I believe what I believe, but in this case I got brave and just ....talked :)lol
I like hearing other people's opinions on stuff though

[Alegna]

*nods* yes...

[Norelia]

.............ok did I scare everybody away or something??? I'm really sorry!! I can delete my post if you want!!??
:Dlol

[Amry]

Oh dear... here comes Amry, to try to say something profound and end up saying something stupid... yay! Specially since I can't think of any Bible verses that tell much about dating...

Is dating wrong? Why or why not?

I believe that dating is a good thing. It builds good relationships and provides a starting point for a good relationship. I think that getting to know lots of people and having several boyfriends/girlfriends before you find a permanent partner helps you learn what to look for in your future husband/wife. It gives you experience in love. Of course, it's gotta be a mature relationship. Too many people, even ones I know, talk to a guy/girl once and are convinced they're in love and they can kiss and play and all this weird stuff... but in reality, the person is barely a good friend. So, I think responsible dating is the best.

What is the purpose of any relationship?

To bring love, contentment, and happiness into the lives of the people involved in it. Jesus' greatest commandment is "love," right? So, if two people truly love each other, then just their being together is giving glory to God!

What about little flings where you like a person for one week?

Crushes are fun, but a fling like that is supremely stupid. There's no point, it isn't love, and it's really annoying when people are convinced they have a boyfriend/girlfriend when a week later they've found someone else.

How long should you know a person before getting married?

Wow... this is tough. Long enough so that you have seen every side of them, good and bad; enough so that you have argued, and yet can always forgive each other; long enough that you know that this is someone who you will have no trouble spending the rest of your life with. For some, that takes little time, but for others, it can be years. As much time as it takes for both to be positive it's the right choice.

[shadow]

I would say that your last point is VERY good. And your other's say that you're consious of the problems of, say, dating. But i have somewhat to say of #2, You have it backwards to be honest. A relationship is to bring glory to God. If BOTH parties of the marraige are first and foremost concerned about this, then there will be love no matter the case. Just because you have a good love in a marraige does not make it God honoring, but if it is God honoriing, it means you have a good love... get my drift?

[Amry]

I was under the impression that all good love comes from God and is created by God. I think that even an atheistic relationship in which the two really and truly love each other is a wonderful thing that honors God merely by existing.

Of course, the best relationships are the ones that conciously give glory to God; but I don't see anything wrong with ones that have the partner as the most important thing.

[mizunaspastica]

First of all. What do you mean, use the Bible a lot because otherwise you're giving the opponent the advantage? I'm not Christian. I'm UU. Does that make me an opponent?

Is dating wrong? Why or why not?
No. Why would dating be wrong? I don't see how you could be with someone if you didn't know who they were.

What is the purpose of any relationship?
I feel weird, being the only person here who doesn't think that relationships are about glorifying any supreme being. I think a relationship is about being close to someone you feel comfortable with, so you can be there for each other. It doesn't get any simpler than that. I don't date to get closer to God/Buddha/Aradia/Zeus/Iluvatar/Flying Spaghetti Monster. I do it because I feel interested in that person. I'm sorry if anyone finds that offensive. *waves the "Wow, being UU feels awkward again!" flag*

What about little flings where you like a person for one week?
That's just dumb. I'm sorry, but please just TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE PLATONICALLY before dating them or doing anything, uh, special.

How long should you know a person before getting married?
At LEAST a year, but like Nick said, it differs.